So, it’s come to this. Oh, the things we do for “science.”
We’ve threatened to do this for some time now (okay, it was really just me because I have some sort of beer-guy masochism streak running through me a mile wide) and finally, during this week of celebrating freedom, I dove in headfirst. I purchased, opened, consumed a Bud Light Straw-Ber-Rita.
Oh, the shame.
There’s not a lot to say, really, other than this:
As this is a Flavored Malt Beverage, calling this a beer is bordering on fraud. We’ve tried Bud Light Lime before as well. It wasn’t the end of the world — get it cold enough, sit yourself by the pool, and it’ll go down decently enough. This is not Bud Light Lime. This isn’t a beer with some chemical flavoring dumped on top of it and a nifty new logo slapped on the can.
Labeling this with a Bud Light logo and getting people to think it’s beer is the alcohol equivalent of casting the Bee Gees in the Sgt. Pepper movie. And yes, in that metaphor, I just cast Bud Light as the Beatles. That should give you a sense of how this “product” performed.
It doesn’t even resemble a margarita, either. It’s just fruit punch slush with ethanol in it. No brace of tequila back there (which can be done in a beer — remember Tequiza?) and zero lime mixed in — just a sticky, sugary, Mike’s Hard Lemonade by way of Bud Light Michelada that is neither refreshing nor entertaining.
It is, however, at 8%ABV in a monster 24 oz silo can, intoxicating. The rush of sweetness mixed with the malt liquor goes right to your brain much like I imagine the difference between crack and clean uncut cocaine. It’s a dirty high, and a quick one. I tried to verify if this was laden with corn syrup; there is no easily searchable ingredients list for this FMB so I can’t confirm the fructose level here; I assume that it is quite high, however.
Sometimes you can drink something terrible, while knowing it’s terrible, and still have a good time doing it, even if it’s in a ha-ha-look-at-me ironic sense of enjoyment. This wasn’t even fun. This was just frustrating.